After a New Diagnosis: Conversations to Have With Family

Are you hesitant to talk to a loved one with a life-limiting illness, or if you should at all?

The silence might feel comfortable, but not having the conversation often ends up hurting everyone more.

https://www.palassist.org.au/ encourages honest conversations because they ease planning, create emotional security, and help families understand care expectations. We’ve seen just how difficult, yet necessary, these conversations can be. 

In this article, we’ll talk about how to discuss a life-limiting illness, support your family, and work with the palliative care team to plan ahead.

Let’s start with how you can have these conversations without anyone.

How to Discuss a Life-Limiting Illness Without Hurting Loved Ones

First of all, always remember that no conversation will be perfect. Still, there are ways to make talking about a life-limiting illness easier for everyone, and we’ll share how.

Pick the right moment (but don’t wait too long)

Timing is important when you’re bringing up something this serious. A calm setting, like a quiet afternoon at home, can be a safe choice so you can talk without interruptions.

That said, don’t wait for the “perfect” moment because it probably won’t come. And waiting too long can make things harder as the illness progresses and decisions need to be made quickly.

Words that connect

Once you’ve found the right moment, the next challenge is figuring out what to actually say. You can start with something gentle like, “I know this is hard, but can we talk about what’s ahead?”

But avoid phrases like “you need to accept this” or “we have to be realistic now.” Those kinds of words can feel harsh and make people shut down.

Instead, you could try “I want to understand what you’re hoping for” or “How can we support you through this?” You’re here so you can support your loved one in sharing their thoughts freely, after all.

Handling resistance or denial from others

Everyone handles grief differently. 

So, even with the right words and timing, some family members might not want to talk about the diagnosis at all. They might change the subject quickly or insist that everything will be fine. This reaction is actually pretty normal and usually comes from fear rather than stubbornness.

When this happens, give them a bit of space, but don’t let the conversation end entirely. After a few days, bring it up gently again. 

You could say something like, “I know this is scary for all of us, but we need to talk so we can help.”

What to do if the talk doesn’t go well

Now, sometimes these conversations get emotional or end badly, and that’s okay. You can’t plan every reaction. But if it happens, step back, breathe, and give everyone time to settle.

Then, try again in a day or two using a gentler approach. You might want to rephrase what you said or even ask a health professional to help guide the conversation. The most important thing is that you show you care and stay supportive no matter what.

Once these family conversations begin, it’s time to let the palliative care team guide you through the practical and emotional challenges ahead.

How Families Can Work Together With the Palliative Care Team

The palliative care team brings medical knowledge and emotional support, but they work best when your family is on the same page. That way, everyone can make informed choices and feel less stressed.

Here’s how to make that happen in practical ways.

Who takes the lead in the family?

One of the first things to sort out is who’ll be the main point of contact with the palliative care team. This person doesn’t have to make all the decisions, but they should be the one who coordinates information and keeps everyone updated.

If this person isn’t you, choose someone who is organised and comfortable asking questions. This helps avoid power struggles or situations where too many people are trying to speak for the patient at once. And whenever possible, talk to the person who’s unwell about who they’d like in this role.

Why you should involve the palliative care team early

A lot of families hold off until the last weeks or days before reaching out to palliative care, but there’s no need to wait that long. The team can start helping from the moment of diagnosis with symptom relief, emotional support, and practical planning.

If you get them involved early, your family also has more time to build a relationship with the team. It gives everyone more options for treatment choices and a better quality of life throughout the illness.

Making the most of joint meetings

Is it time to meet the palliative care team? We recommend doing a bit of prep in advance, like bringing your questions and someone to take notes to keep track of everything.

During the meeting, make sure everyone in the family has a chance to speak up and share their worries. These meetings are also a good opportunity to agree on what’s realistic and to clarify the main goals of care as the situation progresses.

Resolving family conflict with help

Now, disagreements often come up when families are under stress. Some people might want aggressive treatment, while others focus on comfort and quality of life. You definitely want to address these differences before they create serious tension.

The palliative care team can help mediate these conversations and offer professional guidance. Community support services are also available if your family needs extra help working through conflict during this difficult time.

Support Your Family Through Palliative Care Conversations

Ready to take back some control during this uncertain time? 

It might sound surprising, but many families actually feel closer and more connected after they start having honest conversations about end-of-life care. These talks can be really hard at first, but they often bring a sense of relief once everyone knows they’re on the same page.

And remember, there’s support available through health professionals, community groups, and counsellors who’ve helped other families through exactly what you’re facing right now. 

For more guidance on palliative care and planning, visit Pal Assist to access helpful resources created specifically for Australian families.